Thursday, September 17, 2015
Month 8 - PET Scan...Long Day with Crazy Ending
It was also nice in that the test was done at a private facility and their version of the traditional hospital gown was fab!
Got to the hospital early for 0900 start. Blood work, some other tests, into the PET scanner at 1000 for a 90 minute test. Slept most of it.
Out of the tube for lunch, did a cognitive/memory test that I failed. My memory for drawing a page full of shapes that I saw for 10 seconds was not good. MS, age, impending dementia, or just a crappy memory?
Was able to move the MRI scan (part of the study) up in the schedule in hopes of beating some of the traffic out of the city. Did one more questionnaire, this one with a mental health focus. This is where things got interesting.
Got into and out of the MRI. Slept through much of this one as well. Nothing better to do. Have had so many that am used to the noise. Got back to the room I had been assigned, changed back into street clothes, and then started to head for the door. Was intercepted by the doctor that was running the tests and asked if he could have a few minutes for close-out. Was escorted to the staff lounge.
Proceeded to wait for thirty minutes with my mood progressing from optimism at beating traffic, to irritation, to anger. I don't get angry very often but I was getting there. Sent two nurses looking for the doctor with urgent message that unless it validated the study my ass was getting out of there! Was told to please wait.
Finally in comes my doctor with another doctor. My first thought was that this was the lead for the study but he was dressed in jeans which would have surprised me. Then I noticed that he was holding my mental health questionnaire. His introduction as a shrink and my realization of the possible interpretation of a couple questions on my coincided!
The questionnaire was all about depression. My score indicated that I might be a little depressed but not at the level of "clinical depression" where treatment is needed. In my opinion I would be surprised if anyone with a progressive, incurable, and ultimately fatal disease would not be depressed but I digress.
The question that got the attention, that I should have explained to the doctor but did not in my haste to beat traffic, related to suicide. I strongly believe that patients with a terminal illness should be able to opt for a doctor assisted suicide. I was disappointed when the UK rejected this concept recently but am happy that Dignitas, located in Switzerland, provides this service.
I am hoping for the best in terms of treatment for my disease but I am also preparing for the worst. If you read through the EDSS chart that I posted earlier you can see that at some point it is very likely that my quality of life will have reached a point where it will be time for me to exit stage left. I have joined Dignitas and will be working through the process to be prepared for this point should it come.
My answer to the question on suicide should have included the above explanation. In absence of that my checking the box that said I occasionally think of suicide triggered the intervention process that required a screen by the resident psychologist!
This was something out of an episode of Holby City or Casualty. I am sure that all the staff knew why I was in the "holding pen" and probably would have tackled me if I had tried to escape. Not that a guy with advanced MS riding a scooter and carrying two crutches was going to be much of a tackle.
I recognize that choice in this matter is one that causes great angst and debate. Some may believe that there is never a time when one should be able to take a life...even their own. I respect that belief but do not share it. Hopefully if someone on the other side of the coin reads this they can respect my position even if they object to it strenuously.