Saturday, July 9, 2016

Sometimes it is Hard not to be Depressed

Depression, obviously, goes hand in glove with MS and probably any terminal (or not terminal in the case of MS) disease.  I think that I do a pretty good job of keeping it at bay by keeping busy and by keeping in denial.   Sometimes the latter is hard to maintain.  

The other day some of out neighbors rode by on their bicycles headed for the pub in the village next door.  It caught me at a bad moment and I just about broke down.  There are so many things that I can not do and sometimes it makes me angry to see people doing them.  This time it just made me sad.  

Life is not fair some times.  I try to make the best of what I have left and know that it is going to continue to get harder and harder.   At some point, it is going to be too hard and the quality of life too low to put up with.  Hence the pile of paper work on the floor of my office.   Medical records that are part of the submission to Dignitas that will allow me to choose the time when my disease takes me.  I would rather do this without traveling to Switzerland but the politicians in the UK are as bone headed on this issue as those in the US. 

I will continue to hope for the best but the realist in me sees a path with few options and an inevitable conclusion.  But a far better conclusion than being bedridden for years with zero quality of life.

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